QANTAS PILOT FLIGHT REPORTS- FUNNY

tyson · 06-10-2006, 13:56

Qantas defect logs

This is funny...And for real
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident... Enjoy!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

BeautUtes

Random181 · 06-10-2006, 14:22

Lmao! Thanks for makin me smile they were great.

Peta23 · 06-10-2006, 14:25

lol they good ones!!!!

Blundy · 06-10-2006, 19:51

Love it! See the things we lose is Q send their maintenance contracts o/seas!!

BeautUtes

Billy · 22-12-2006, 23:01

hehe!

OLLY BOLLY · 23-12-2006, 00:06

ahh the pride of australias airways, makes you proud to be aussie don't it

Sharpy · 23-12-2006, 09:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by OLLY BOLLY

ahh the pride of australias airways, makes you proud to be aussie don't it

There still in the air olly, that safe enough for me!

06-10-2006, 13:56	#1 (permalink)
tyson Status: Newbie Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: w.a Posts: 23 Rep Power: 0	QANTAS PILOT FLIGHT REPORTS- FUNNY Qantas defect logs This is funny...And for real After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident... Enjoy! P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. And the best one for last.................. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget Last edited by Dazza_XL; 06-10-2006 at 14:37. Reason: Fixed the >'s

06-10-2006, 14:22	#2 (permalink)
Random181 Status: September 2006 Best 4x4 Ute! Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Adelaide Posts: 3,310 Rep Power: 8	Re: QUANTAS PILOT FLIGHT REPORTS- FUNNY Lmao! Thanks for makin me smile they were great. __________________ Sellaxxar- Level 70 Undead Holy Priest- 1441 Unbuffed heals. Jubei'Thos - Cheese Addicts Anonymous (I know this means nothing to any of you but I'm proud).

06-10-2006, 14:25	#3 (permalink)
Peta23 Status: Petey.. Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Cuballing Posts: 1,408 Rep Power: 4	Re: QUANTAS PILOT FLIGHT REPORTS- FUNNY lol they good ones!!!! __________________ Shoulda Woulda Coulda

06-10-2006, 19:51	#4 (permalink)
Blundy Status: Beaut Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Humpty Doo Posts: 510 Rep Power: 3	Re: QANTAS PILOT FLIGHT REPORTS- FUNNY Love it! See the things we lose is Q send their maintenance contracts o/seas!!

22-12-2006, 23:01	#5 (permalink)
Billy Status: BeautUtes.com est. 2004 Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Dumbleyung! Posts: 8,107 Rep Power: 10	Re: QANTAS PILOT FLIGHT REPORTS- FUNNY hehe! __________________ Rural Classifieds \| AFL Gear \| Motocross \| V8s \| Bush Swags\| Western Australia\| Utes \| Depression Forum

23-12-2006, 00:06	#6 (permalink)
OLLY BOLLY Status: February 2006 Best Feral Ute! Join Date: May 2005 Location: in a box Posts: 1,416 Rep Power: 0	Re: QANTAS PILOT FLIGHT REPORTS- FUNNY ahh the pride of australias airways, makes you proud to be aussie don't it

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