definitive guide to aussies

ic cold vs · 09-03-2005, 19:07

The definitive guide to Aussies

1.. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.

2.. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.

3.. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.

4.. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.

5.. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce

6.. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.

7.. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.

8.. All our best heroes are losers.

9.. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.

10.. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.

11.. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.

12.. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".

13.. Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.

14.. The wise man will choose a partner who is more attractive than himself.............to mosquitoes.

15.. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth fixing.

16.. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.

17.. It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.

18.. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.

19.. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it).

20.. If there is any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go.

21.. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not trying.

22.. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.

23.. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.

24.. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.

25.. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.

26.. The men are tough, but the women are tougher.

27.. The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.

28.. Australians love new technology. Years after their introduction, most conversations on mobile phones are principally about the fact that the call is "being made on my mobile".

29.. There comes a time in every Australian's life when he/she realises that Aerogard is worse than the flies.

30.. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says "cobber" to anyone ... EVER! It also doesn't have the bit about the true test mowing a sloping lawn (at least 20 degree angle) in a pair of thongs holding a VB while watching the cricket. If you can't pass that chances are you will never be able to pass yourself off as a true Aussie.

BeautUtes

southern belle · 09-03-2005, 21:54

CLASSIC!

Shazza · 09-03-2005, 22:20

BLOODY BRILLIANT!!!!

ic cold vs · 10-03-2005, 09:13

i think the end bit of number 13 sums me up

BeautUtes

Bosstress · 10-03-2005, 09:42

love it! love it! love it!

wb350 · 10-03-2005, 10:23

Absolutley bloody brilliant!!!!!!!!! The only thing I can't do in number 30 is watch the cricket. I can't lift the bloody tv out to the lawn!

10-03-2005, 18:37

Now THAT should be our declaration of independance if ever we become a republic!!!!
Look great on a plaque somewhere hey!

Billy · 10-03-2005, 18:42

Quote:

12.. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".

This is so true ... whenever I see a mate I have not seen for ages I'll usually great them as follows

Quote:

"How the f*&% are you, ya f^%&*ing wanker!"

BeautUtes

10-03-2005, 18:54

Yup...have a blog mate from USA..he just shits himself the way we swear as general greetings!!! He loves it!

2uteman · 03-04-2005, 17:23

No 6 sums it up for me

cant do without the Tamata sauce

09-03-2005, 19:07	#1 (permalink)
ic cold vs Status: January 2006 Best Street Ute! Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: queanbeyan, nsw Posts: 808 Rep Power: 4	definitive guide to aussies The definitive guide to Aussies 1.. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm. 2.. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you. 3.. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle. 4.. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie. 5.. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce 6.. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out. 7.. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate. 8.. All our best heroes are losers. 9.. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags. 10.. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold. 11.. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped. 12.. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard". 13.. Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names. 14.. The wise man will choose a partner who is more attractive than himself.............to mosquitoes. 15.. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth fixing. 16.. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool. 17.. It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself. 18.. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much. 19.. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it). 20.. If there is any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go. 21.. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not trying. 22.. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for. 23.. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor. 24.. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home. 25.. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself. 26.. The men are tough, but the women are tougher. 27.. The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds. 28.. Australians love new technology. Years after their introduction, most conversations on mobile phones are principally about the fact that the call is "being made on my mobile". 29.. There comes a time in every Australian's life when he/she realises that Aerogard is worse than the flies. 30.. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says "cobber" to anyone ... EVER! It also doesn't have the bit about the true test mowing a sloping lawn (at least 20 degree angle) in a pair of thongs holding a VB while watching the cricket. If you can't pass that chances are you will never be able to pass yourself off as a true Aussie. __________________ *who me??????*

09-03-2005, 21:54	#2 (permalink)
southern belle Status: Takin' the long way.... Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Albany Posts: 864 Rep Power: 104	Re: definitive guide to aussies CLASSIC!

09-03-2005, 22:20	#3 (permalink)
Shazza Status: Beaut Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Armadale, Perth Posts: 289 Rep Power: 5	Re: definitive guide to aussies BLOODY BRILLIANT!!!! __________________ Keep Safe on the Track

10-03-2005, 09:13	#4 (permalink)
ic cold vs Status: January 2006 Best Street Ute! Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: queanbeyan, nsw Posts: 808 Rep Power: 4	Re: definitive guide to aussies i think the end bit of number 13 sums me up __________________ *who me??????*

10-03-2005, 09:42	#5 (permalink)
Bosstress Status: Exclusive Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Perth :( Grrr city chick now!!! Posts: 204 Rep Power: 4	Re: definitive guide to aussies love it! love it! love it! __________________ RUN WILD! RUN FREE! LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION! I CAN FIND IT MYSELF!

10-03-2005, 10:23	#6 (permalink)
wb350 Status: Feral Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Swan View Posts: 232 Rep Power: 4	Re: definitive guide to aussies Absolutley bloody brilliant!!!!!!!!! The only thing I can't do in number 30 is watch the cricket. I can't lift the bloody tv out to the lawn!

10-03-2005, 18:37	#7 (permalink)
utegirl70 Status: Guest Posts: n/a	Re: definitive guide to aussies Now THAT should be our declaration of independance if ever we become a republic!!!! Look great on a plaque somewhere hey!

10-03-2005, 18:54	#9 (permalink)
utegirl70 Status: Guest Posts: n/a	Re: definitive guide to aussies Yup...have a blog mate from USA..he just shits himself the way we swear as general greetings!!! He loves it!

03-04-2005, 17:23	#10 (permalink)
2uteman Status: Newbie Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Auckland Posts: 47 Rep Power: 0	Re: definitive guide to aussies No 6 sums it up for me cant do without the Tamata sauce