Man laws

mrsikxf · 09-05-2007, 12:50

MAN LAWS

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. Man shall never be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. Men stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulententertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem; you didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: e.g., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of yellow, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with, "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

29. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
(a) "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
(b) "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion you might have had regarding your behavior.

The International Council of Manlaws.
******

BeautUtes

trashman · 09-05-2007, 13:06

ha ha ha goodo ha ha ha

Rousy · 09-05-2007, 14:01

nice

Peta23 · 09-05-2007, 14:08

lol they are so funny

BeautUtes

Sharpy · 09-05-2007, 14:10

100% correct! good effort

Melzy · 09-05-2007, 14:21

like it some are pretty true somehow ever are not, take number 25 i am allowed to drive his car but he is not allowed to drive my car

mrsikxf · 09-05-2007, 14:30

lol any male who is obbsesed with his car rule 25 applys lol trust me mel

countryjo · 09-05-2007, 16:01

it is all very funny

BeautUtes

Melzy · 09-05-2007, 17:19

i guess i was must be the obbsessed one then in this case Locky,i dont let anyone else drive mine lol

bundyliscious · 09-05-2007, 17:27

yeah #25 is wrong.. for some silly reason within a fortnight of letting a male drive my ute something ALWAYS goes wrong wid her.She's a chiks ute down to the last nut n bolt!

Beutey86 · 09-05-2007, 17:44

A Very true 100% correct description of a male

lol

09-05-2007, 12:50	#1 (permalink)
mrsikxf Status: Feral Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: warrnambool Posts: 109 Rep Power: 2	Man laws MAN LAWS 1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". 3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. 4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 7. Man shall never be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 9. Men stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulententertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. 11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem; you didn't see anything. 16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. 19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a) Yeah, Baby, Push it! b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c) Another set and we can hit the showers! 22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: e.g., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was. 25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of yellow, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. 27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with, "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. 28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. 29. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: (a) "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?" (b) "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!" We hope this clears up any confusion you might have had regarding your behavior. The International Council of Manlaws. ****** __________________ you can take the boy outta the country but ya cant take the country outta the boy

09-05-2007, 13:06	#2 (permalink)
trashman Status: Hardcore Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Wolf Creek... lol Wongong Posts: 1,193 Rep Power: 4	Re: Man laws ha ha ha goodo ha ha ha __________________ *Chassing down the dream* *Project Black Opps :* *The NED* *comming in late 2008* *Principle Owner :COMET* *Work hard play harder* *Live my life like my mum told me not to* *With a ute under foot* *a rum in one hand and a pie in the other* *i only have one question?* *WHO THE HELL IS STEERING?*

09-05-2007, 14:01	#3 (permalink)
Rousy Status: COWBOY UP Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Where Ever You Find Me Ute Me Swag n Me Dog Posts: 1,452 Rep Power: 5	Re: Man laws nice __________________ *"ITS REALLY KINDA SIMPLE KEEP YA MIND IN THE MIDDLE WHILE YA BUCK SPINS ROUND N ROUND "* *"SPLIT FINGER WRAP AND MY ROPE PULLED WAY TOO TIGHT"*

09-05-2007, 14:08	#4 (permalink)
Peta23 Status: Petey.. Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Cuballing Posts: 1,408 Rep Power: 4	Re: Man laws lol they are so funny __________________ Shoulda Woulda Coulda

09-05-2007, 14:10	#5 (permalink)
Sharpy Status: Hardcore Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Alice Springs Posts: 1,354 Rep Power: 4	Re: Man laws 100% correct! good effort __________________ SHARPY N DAVE UTECLUB MEMBERS WANTED Enquire within

09-05-2007, 14:21	#6 (permalink)
Melzy Status: Beaut Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: kalgoorlie Posts: 352 Rep Power: 4	Re: Man laws like it some are pretty true somehow ever are not, take number 25 i am allowed to drive his car but he is not allowed to drive my car __________________ Where's the fun in being "normal' LIVE LOVE LAUGH

09-05-2007, 14:30	#7 (permalink)
mrsikxf Status: Feral Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: warrnambool Posts: 109 Rep Power: 2	Re: Man laws lol any male who is obbsesed with his car rule 25 applys lol trust me mel __________________ you can take the boy outta the country but ya cant take the country outta the boy

09-05-2007, 16:01	#8 (permalink)
countryjo Status: Exclusive Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: port hedland Posts: 186 Rep Power: 2	Re: Man laws it is all very funny

09-05-2007, 17:19	#9 (permalink)
Melzy Status: Beaut Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: kalgoorlie Posts: 352 Rep Power: 4	Re: Man laws i guess i was must be the obbsessed one then in this case Locky,i dont let anyone else drive mine lol __________________ Where's the fun in being "normal' LIVE LOVE LAUGH

09-05-2007, 17:27	#10 (permalink)
bundyliscious Status: Feral Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: thurgoona Posts: 163 Rep Power: 2	Re: Man laws yeah #25 is wrong.. for some silly reason within a fortnight of letting a male drive my ute something ALWAYS goes wrong wid her.She's a chiks ute down to the last nut n bolt! __________________ Hell hath no fury like a women on RUM! *Harden the F&^k Up Princess* *This Is Cowgirl Country!* I AM THE ONE, THE ORIGINAL THE GENUINE ARTICLE (i am also a pain in the AR$E!) *It Aint Wrong, I Aint Sorry and* Its Probably Gonna Happen AGAIN!

09-05-2007, 17:44	#11 (permalink)
Beutey86 Status: Feral Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: u can guess??? Posts: 107 Rep Power: 2	Re: Man laws A Very true 100% correct description of a male lol __________________ Young Dumb and full of Rum!