southern belle

Snappy Answer #1
> > >
> > >> > A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
> > >
> > >> > tickets.
> > >
> > >> > As
> > >
> > >> > a man Approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he
opened
> > >
> > >> > his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said,
> > >
> > >> > "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
> > >
> > >> >
> > >
> > >> >
> > >
> > >> > Snappy Answer #2
> > >
> > >> > A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
> > >
> > >> > but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock
> > >
> > >> > boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No
> > >
> > >> > ma'am, they're dead."
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> > >> >
> > >
> > >> >
> > >
> > >> > Snappy Answer #3
> > >
> > >> > The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
> > >
> > >> > rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the
cop
> > >
> > >> > said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
> > >
> > >> > When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
> > >
> > >> > without a ticket.
> > >
> > >> >
> > >
> > >> >
> > >
> > >> > Snappy Answer #4

> > >> > A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that
> > >
> > >> > reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right
> ahead
> > >
> > >> > of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for
> > >
> > >> > miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car
> and
> > >
> > >> > walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
> says,
> > >
> > >> > "Got stuck, huh?"
> > >
> > >> > The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out
> > >
> > >> > of gas."
> > >
> > >> >
> > >
> > >> >
> > >
> > >> > Snappy Answer #5

> > >> > A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was
> > >
> > >> > rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an
angry
> > >
> > >> > passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on
> > >
> > >> > the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be
> > >
> > >> > "FIRST CLASS."
> > >
> > >> > The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help
> you,
> > >
> > >> > but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able
to
> > >
> > >> > work something out."
> > >
> > >> > The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the
> passengers
> > >
> > >> > behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
> > >
> > >> > Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address
> > >
> > >> > microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began, her
voice
> > >
> > >> > heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at
> > >
> > >>"Gate
> > >
> > >>14"
> > >
> > >> > who
> > >
> > >> > does not know who he is. If anyone can help him find his identity,
> > >
> > >> > please come to "Gate 14."With the folks behind him in line laughing
> > >
> > >> > hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth
> > >
> > >> > and swore, "F*** you!"
> > >
> > >> >
> > >
> > >> > Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll
> > >
> > >> > have to get in line for that, too." And the VERY BEST snappy answer
.
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> > >> >
> > >
> > >> > Snappy Answer #6
> > >
> > >> > THE TEACHER
> > >
> > >> > Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
> > >
> > >> > A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now
> > >
> > >> > class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow.
> I
> > >
> > >> > might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
> > >
> > >> > illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no
other
> > >
> > >> > excuses whatsoever!"
> > >
> > >> > A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks,
> > >
> > >> > "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete
> > >
> > >> > and utter sexual exhaustion?"
> > >
> > >> > The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and
> snickering.
> > >
> > >> > When
> > >
> > >> > silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the
> > >
> > >> > student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd
have
> > >
> > >> > to write the exam with your other hand."