Billy

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of
drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had
been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten
shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the
Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise
that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?"
"Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"

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One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub
together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to
enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and
were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in
disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued
drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly
out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT
OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"

************************************************** **

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could
buy him a drink.


"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have
another round to Ireland."


"Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks:
"Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply.


"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have
another drink to Dublin."


"Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first
man asks: "What school did you go to?"


"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I
graduated in '62, too!"


About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the
bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
************************************************** **


Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten. Now, the Missus
was never too happy about it, either. So one night she hides in the
cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Pat wanders
by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming,
"Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's
to Hell I'll take ye'".


Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded, "Who the hell ARE you?".


Too that the Missus replied, "I'm the divil ya' damned old fool".


To which Flaherty remarked, "Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to
yer sister."


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How was copper wire invented??

Two Scotsmen fighting over a Penny

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