Billy_308

I was out driving the other day and I ran into the back of another car. This little dwarf gets out, stomps up to my car and says "I aint happy!". So I said "I don't give a ***** just tell me which one you are!?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day, long, long ago there was this girl who surprisingly, wasn't a headcase... but this was a long time ago... and it was just ONE day! The End.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A motorcycle officer stops a man for running a red light. The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the motor officer. The violator demands
to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells
him of the red light violation. The "Motorist" instantly goes on a tirade,
questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather
explicit terms. The officer, being a professional, takes it all in stride,
figuring "battleship mouth and rowboat ass".

The tirade goes on without the cop saying anything. When he gets done
with writing the citation he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the
narrative portion of the citation. He then hands it to the "Violator"
for his signature.

The guy signs the cite angrily, tearing the paper, and when presented
his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer then removes his mirrored sunglasses, gets in the middle of the guy's
face and said, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember you're an asshole!"

Three months later they are in court. The "Violator" has such a bad record
he is about to lose his license and has hired an attorney to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.

Under cross-examination, the defense attorney asks, "Officer, is this a
reasonable facsimile of the citation you issued my client?"

Officer responds, "Yes sir, this is the defendant's copy, his signature
and mine, same number at the top."

Attorney: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this
citation you don't normally make?"

Officer: "Yes sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is
an AH', underlined."

Attorney: "What does the AH stand for, officer?"

Officer? "Aggressive and Hostile, Sir."

Attorney: "Aggressive and hostile?"

Officer: "Yes, Sir?"

Attorney: "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for Asshole?"

Officer: "Well, Sir, you know your client better than I do!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man notices somebody breaking into his shed and calls the police. The dispatcher tells him that nobody is available, and advises him to stay inside and lock the doors.
The man hangs up, then calls back and says,
"Don't worry about sending police, I shot and killed the thief, his body is in the back yard."
Within minutes, his house is surrounded by cruisers, and pd rushes to the
backyard where they find and arrest the would-be thief, alive and well.
The chief walks up to the caller and says,
"You said you shot him."
To which the man replies,
"You said nobody was available. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man is going down the road, and gets pulled over by a highway patrolman. When he gets up to the car, he tells him that he was speeding. The man is shocked, but not startled by being pulled over because he is always speeding. While the highway patrolman is standing there, he sees that the man has 9 huge knives in the back seat.He asks him what they are for, and he tells him that they are for his act, and he is a juggler.
The patrolman does not believe him, and tells him to prove it. So he gets out of the car, and starts to juggle the knives. At the same time, 2 men are driving by and witness the two on the side of the road. One of the men looks to the other man and says, "Man, I sure am glad I quit drinking, those sobriety tests these days are rough!'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that reads 'Low bridge ahead'. Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead
of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got
stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of gas."

__________________